Reclaiming my gift

Wow, it has been a while since I've posted. Work has been keeping me busy and so ordinary.

Each day I wake up realizing that my day is going to be the same routine. I shower, dress, eat, walk to the train, ride the train, exit the train, walk into my office building, swipe my key card on the card reader, ride the elevator to the 25th floor, log onto my computer, check my email, work eight to nine hours, log off my computer, exit my office building, ride the train to my health club, work out, walk home, eat, and go to bed. Funny part is that I didn’t expect this lifestyle to seem so mundane – especially at age 24.

When I graduated from the college, I felt I was ready to conquer corporate America. I had secured my job several months prior to graduation as a marketing consultant and it seemed my career was on track. However, two and a half years after graduating, I’ve come to appreciate that the work is not the sum of who I am, but rather a part of the equation. I’ve successfully focused on the work aspect, but I’ve neglected everything else.

I moved home and I still haven’t moved out. I keep planning to do it and the benefits of saving money are phenomenal, but there has to be a time when I have to move on. I’m merely delaying my own development and probably delaying my mom’s development as a single woman as well. I’m sure I annoy her from time to time ;)

I’m still single and it seems as people around me fall in love, fall out of love, move through different loving relationships, grow from love. Yet, I remain single – which for a long time I was very happy with – but now I can’t help but want to understand companionship and feel like I don’t know how. What is it like to be loved to the core by someone else?

I’ve been planning to go to graduate school. Seems like I’m always studying for the GMAT. I tell myself I will study next month, and then the month after, and the month after. Two years of delaying taking the exam is turning me into the guy who says he’s going to graduate school – but not walking the talk.

And probably the most important thing that I’ve neglected is the development of me. Being hearing impaired strengthens me, but can shrivel my confidence as well. One step forward can sometimes be two steps back. These last two years have been most challenging as I’ve become a student with a hearing impairment to an employee with an impairment. I encounter new situations and questions about disability and I don't always know how to deal with them. I do the the best I can.

Although it is hard to always remember and be thankful of my disability, I know being hearing impaired is a gift. It helps me embrace my differences, to see more positives in life, to constructively acknowledge my weaknesses, to move forward as a productive and reflective human being. Being hearing impaired matures me.

After two and half years, the journey continues. It is time for me to evolve and endure…using my gift…this blog helps me get there.